Why I Stopped Going To Church: The 700 Club

Channel 27

If you’re younger than God, then you probably know people like me who are older than God, who prattle on about the days of black-and-white TVs with antennae and a dial that went from 2 to 13. Why there was no 1, nobody knows. But in its place, there was a U; which stood for UHF (Ultra High Frequencies). And that U activated another dial with numbers that went from 15 to 83. Why no 14? Again, nobody knew.

For the longest time, there were only two channels available through the U setting in our part of the world. Those were channels 15 and 27. Channel 15 was PBS. And Channel 27 was CBN (aka, The Christian Broadcasting Network).

Channel 15 was boring. Even the kid shows. Sesame Street for the little ones. Zoom for the bigger kids.

But Channel 27 played Star Trek reruns and Gomer Pyle and Gilligan’s Island in the afternoon. And The 700 Club at night.

In those days, Pat Robertson was known only to us and a few others. The weak signal came from a small tower across the river in Portsmouth. The reception was poor. The TV got smacked a lot. The rabbit ears got jiggled and twisted and wrapped in aluminum foil.

In addition to The 700 Club, there was also The Jim & Tammy Show on Saturdays. That’s right; I’m talking about Jim & Tammy Bakker, who ran a children’s show at CBN in the style of Howdy Doody. I got to be in the audience once.

Jim asked each of the kids on the bleachers for their names and ages and who they wanted to say hi to on TV. When he thrust the mic in my face, I tried to grab it. Jim said, “I’ll hold the mic, son.”

Jim didn’t know who he was dealing with. I was born to entertain. So I grabbed the mic anyway, and he and I did a little tug-a-war as I spouted, “My name is Greg’ry Silva and I’m six-years-old, and I wanna say hi to Mommom and Daddy.”

Another time, we sat in the audience for The 700 Club. I can still hear the theme song by a talented hippie guy named Danny somebody who played the vibes. That’s vibraphone, if you’re not hip to the music lingo.

The show we watched featured special musical guests Kathie & Mishi Epstein, both in their teens. Jewish father; Christian mother. I remember Kathie being the standout. I never heard from Mishi again. But Kathie grew up to be Kathie Lee Gifford.