The Story Of Your Love Life

What’s the story of your love life? Is it a comedy? A farce? A war? What do you want it to be? Chances are, you want it to be a happy story, full of romance and adventure.

Why Things Are the Way They Are

When I was a dating coach, I encouraged my clients to think of their love lives as stories told in real time. And we discussed the completed chapters, as well as the unwritten ones. In other words, we mythologized their romantic involvements, and sought to glean from them valuable symbols that might inform future involvements.

So, what is mythology? And what does it have to do with dating? You may associate the term with boring humanities lectures about ancient gods and monsters and rituals. Or you may be familiar with the great works of Joseph Campbell. But mythologizing is something most of us do almost every day.

In very simple terms, myths are popular stories that explain why things are the way they are. Every culture, from the dawn of man, has circulated such tales, handing them down to succeeding generations. And our modern American culture is no different.

Gender Instincts

In our time, these stories are circulated not only from person to person, but through mass media, like books and movies. Women love romantic stories that present a happy ending. Why? Because, deep down, on a gut level, most women (even today) want to live happily ever after with a knight in shining armor. This type of story resonates with core feminine instincts.

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It’s never too late to begin writing the story of your love life.

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Men like action movies. Why? Because male genes are programmed to compete for resources, including women. Stories that demonstrate men battling each other over status resonate with core masculine instincts.

Your Hero’s Journey

Our own love lives often take on mythological proportions. We tell our friends stories about this girl or that guy in our lives; not only to entertain, but also to learn from each other. Sometimes these stories reinforce our successes. Other times, however, these stories fuel destructive patterns.

For instance, most all of us have a First Time I Fell In Love story. And it almost always includes heartbreak. Some people never get over that first loss. They carry that pain with them for the rest of their lives, and it forever clouds their judgment.

Every woman I’ve ever known has more than a few Creepy Guy stories. And some of those stories are truly horrible, involving harassment and violence.