How Empathy Works Between Men and Women

Weep With Them That Weep

[su_dropcap style=”flat” size=”5″]I[/su_dropcap] gotta get a few things off my chest. First off, I’m attracted to politically conservative women. What’s up with that? I’m a liberal.

Second, I’m a recovering fixaholic. By that I mean, when I was younger, I used to try to fix women.

You know how women talk about wanting to be listened to by their man? When they come to him with a problem, they don’t always want him to fix it, they just want him to listen.

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We derive our sense of meaning from our relationships with others.

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From the man’s point of view, he’s thinking, well heck . . . what good does that do? Wouldn’t you feel better if I just fixed the problem?

Turns out, no! “No, I wouldn’t,” says the woman. “I just want you to hold me, to listen to me!”

Doesn’t make any sense, does it, guys? Well . . . over the years, I’ve come across more than a few women who can’t be bothered with MY problems. As a matter of fact, the older I get, the more I find that men . . . empathize with me. And women . . . don’t.

But then, why should they? What do women know about being a man? And why would they even want to know, if they’re fully engaged in being a woman?

Saint Paul said,

Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.

Romans 12:15

The problem with this, is that it requires effort. And who has the time, these days?

A few years ago, I courted a fine, Christian gal from Michigan. She asked me how I was doing, one day. And I gave the wrong answer.

I wasn’t doing well. I was deeply troubled, because I was going broke, and I didn’t know what to do about it. The economy, as you know, was horrible.

Jobs were drying up faster than California. I felt like I had been dropped in the middle of an ocean, in a fog, and I hadn’t a clue as to which way to swim.

Her response was that I needed to get right with God.

And suddenly, I had a vision of her standing before Jesus hanging on the cross. Would she say that to him?

No Time For Empathy

Part of the problem, of course, was that I was trying to seduce a woman while I was going broke. And what woman wants to sleep with a man who’s broke and depressed, unless she’s getting paid for it?

Besides, without money or a sense of humor, I had no currency.

But she was no whore, and I’m nobody’s trick. What she really meant was that she had no room in her soul for MY pain. She had all she could bear, with two kids and no husband.

Lord knows I don’t stop for every bum. And neither did He.

To paraphrase Mark 6:31, Jesus said, “Christ, won’t these people ever leave me alone!?”

I and Thou

Earlier I asked,

Why SHOULD women even try to empathize with men?

And by implication,

Why SHOULD men simply listen to their women . . . that is, feel their pain . . . without trying to fix their problems?

The German philosopher Martin Buber wrote a famous book called Ich und Du, which, loosely translated, means, Me and You.

Don’t bother reading it. Everything you need to know is in the title. Just think on it for a while.

Kinda like with, The Power Of Now. All you gotta do is think:  

There’s power . . . in focussing my mind . . . on the present moment.

And there you have it! Why bother reading the book?