Troll, Not a Troll: Online Trolling Defined

Troll Because

YOU’RE NOT A TROLL because you disagree with me. Please . . . don’t flatter yourself.

YOU’RE A TROLL because you drive by, roll down the window, and shout, “Bill Clinton did it too!”, or, “They all lie!”, or, “You’re an idiot!”, and then you speed away. Coward!

YOU’RE A TROLL because I take the time to erect a statue in a public park, so intelligent people can take it in and discuss its value in productive terms. And then you come along, cloaked in your online anonymity, and take a piss on it. And that gives you perverse pleasure — like you’ve really shown me. You’ve shown me, alright!

YOU’RE A TROLL because, when I say, “Let’s talk about policy issues,” you say, “No, let’s talk about conspiracy theories.”

YOU’RE A TROLL because, when I tell you you’re changing the subject, or otherwise disrupting the flow of the discourse, you accuse me of stepping on your free speech rights. Really? You think you have free speech rights on MY Facebook threads? Who told you that — the Libertarian Fairy?

YOU’RE A TROLL because you use phrases like, “Obummer,” and, “Killary,” and, “Libtard” . . . and you actually think you’re being clever! Once again . . . boy, you certainly showed me!

YOU’RE A TROLL because when I show you the facts, you call them “liberal bias”.

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You don’t really know who you are. Do you?

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YOU’RE A TROLL because . . . let’s face it, be honest . . . you live a sad, lonely life. And you desperately crave the kind of attention you deserve. And that is, for people to hate you as much as you hate yourself.

YOU’RE A TROLL because you haven’t got an original thought. You don’t spend any time in self-reflection; or in reading or writing or learning how to express yourself in convincing ways.

No, your gift to the world is to crash and trash other people’s parties. You’re a terrorist! The worst kind — you have no cause, other than to step on people. You’re a drive-by shooter; the guy who detonates a bomb from afar. You haven’t the courage to blow yourself up as well.

YOU’RE A TROLL because, well . . . you don’t really know who you are. Do you?