What Is Blasphemy?

I’m pretty sure if I met God in an alley, he could take me. He doesn’t need anybody’s help. And if he were mad at me, he’d probably just say, “Hey, I gotta beef with you!”, rather than kill me. And then I’d say, “Fuck you!” And then he’d kill me.

Okay, so . . . if you’re a normal religious person, you probably found what I just said blasphemous. Or at least a little disconcerting.

But, ya see . . . I know God. He and I get along just fine. He’s not offended by my jokes, or by my criticisms of the church. In fact, He’s my biggest fan. He likes me. Sometimes I’m not sure why. Because half the time I don’t like myself. But He accepts me. In fact, He made me this way. That is, I was born to challenge the status quo. It’s part of my calling. My God-given purpose. You might say I’m a minister. Well . . . YOU might not say I’m a minister, if you’re the sort that feels compelled to defend God against clowns like me. But I am a minister. I AM!

Holy shit, there I go again, being blasphemous! I can’t seem to help it. You see, saying “I am” is blasphemous to Christians and Jews. It’s the same as saying “I am God”. But hold on — before the stones start flying — I can assure you that I’m not (nor have I ever been) God; despite what my girlfriend screams when we’re making love.

Ya know what? I’m sorry. That last remark made ME uncomfortable. I don’t have a girlfriend.

What I’m saying is, if God’s not offended by my coarse remarks, what’s the problem? The problem, of course, is people. Sick, sad, stupid people. People who don’t know God at all. Because if they did know God, they would understand the difference between a symbol and the concept it represents. The symbol is not the concept. The concept is not the symbol.

Symbol, allow me to introduce you to Concept; Concept, this is Symbol.

Symbol: “How do you do?”

Concept: “I don’t do anything in any way. I just am.”

Symbol: “Oh. Well, how are you.”

Concept: “I’m fine. And how are you?”

Symbol: “Intrinsically meaningless. I am as I do.”

And there you have it, in a nut’s hell. The symbols we use to enrich our religious practice ARE NOT the Thing we worship. Furthermore, the Thing we worship is not even a thing. It’s the opposite of a thing. It’s a non-thing. Literally, no-thing. Nothing.

God is nothing. I have no problem with that statement. But you may find it offensive. Blasphemous, even.

I have no trouble with the ineffability of God. But a lot of his so-called followers do. They equate the word “God” with God. They think He (She or It) has got an actual English language name; like “God”, or “Lord”, or “Heavenly Father”.

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Jesus got it right when he declared, “He who is without sin cast the first stone.”

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When Moses saw the burning bush, and God told him to go talk to their people in Egypt, Moses asked, “Who shall I say sent me?” And God replied, “Tell them I AM sent you.” So God is a being, in the literal sense of the word. A nameless being. I say “nameless” because I think God gave Moses words that might point our finite minds in the direction of the ineffable.