City Life, Part Four: Hostile Gum-Chewing
Who knew gum-chewing could be an act of terrorism? Smack, smack, smack! Oh, well . . . another day on the CTA Freak Trolley.
Valet Log: 030311 — Beggars Delight
Black beggars delight in the color of my skin. Hey, I voted for Obama. I play in a blues band. What more do you want from my white guilt?
Country Chorus: Same Reckless Behavior
Every generation, there are parents who are flabbergasted to find that their kids engage in the same reckless behavior that they did.
Passover: Groaning Geese Announce Bi-Annual Ritual
Did you hear the one about the cantor who lost his shofar and squeezed a goose instead? Canadian Geese passover Chicago twice a year.
The Latin Luffer Speaks, Part Dos
I luff to rub my face on a furry cat. It’s so soft and warm. And she purrs like a thunder storm. Even after I cough up a fur ball.
Valet Log: 022611 — Well-To-Do White Guys
Imagine Captain Kirk as a middle-age parking valet . . . serving white guys his age, with hot wives and shiny black Cadillac SUVs.
City Life, Part Three: Better Than Sex
Time stops. Lights fade. Two spots on two people. Strangers. A meaningful moment. Simpatico. Then . . . time starts. As before.
MARQUEE #1: BeBe and CeCe Winans
After YeYe and ZeZe were born, the parents of Bebe and Cece Winans said, “We gave it our best 26 shots. Thank God 2 and 3 worked!”
All Love Songs Distilled Into One Hook
Or maybe I’ve just cracked. At any rate, song writers no longer need to spend enormous amounts of time trying to come up with new love songs.
Prayer Of Surrender
Prayer of Surrender: What value do you bring to God? Intelligence? Willingness? Creativity? None of the above? Not to worry.
The Latin Luffer Speaks, Part Uno
I’ve been horny all my life. I used to hump the dog’s leg. Horny will get you up in the morning and keep you going at night. Stay horny!
City Life, Part Two: Smell Train
L-Train? More like, Smell Train! Week-old urine is not so bad. It’s better than week-old urine mixed with day-old chicken-wing bones.